Chapter 9

Christian Counseling      

There is an unending stream of hurting and needy people who desperately need counseling.

There are many potential Counselors, who if properly prepared, could do a wonderful work for the Lord in helping and counseling people.

God promises that in the end-time He will raise up excellent Christian Counselors.

Isaiah 1:26

"And I will restore thy ... Counselors as at the beginning:"

An introduction to Christian Counseling.

In understanding Christian Counseling there are four questions we need to consider:

1. What is Christian Counseling?

Christian Counseling is a Counselor carefully, skillfully and sensitively, listening to and understanding a person's problems. Those counseled, can then be given and experience solutions to their problems.

2. Why do we do Christian Counseling?

People experience various kinds and depths of problems, therefore their problems need to be skillfully diagnosed and solved. They need the help and advice from trained Christian Counselors.

3. Who is qualified to do Christian Counseling?

Only those who care for people in a Godly way should do Christian Counseling.

Christian Leaders, Pastors and Lay Christians who have been trained may do Christian Counseling. One of the most important requirements to counsel is personal experience. Trained and happily married style='font-size: 12.0pt;font-family:Arial'> Counselors are most effective in marriage counseling style='font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Arial'>.

4. What are the tools used in Christian Counseling?

There are six tools used in Christian Counseling:

1. The Bible.
2. The personal experience of the Counselor.
3. Counselor Training.
4. Reference Counseling Material.
5. Prayer.
6. The help of trusted family or friends of the counseled person.

Christian Counseling.

Although counseling does not always work, it is desperately needed in our society today and is never a waste of time. Jesus spent many hours talking to needy people about their problems. The Apostle Paul encouraged those who are strong, to help the burdened and the weak.

Romans 15:1

"We that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the weak"
Galatians 6:2

"Bear ye one another's burdens."

Counseling attempts to understand and help people who have problems. It helps them to deal with losses, disappointments, hurt, mounting pressures, tensions, failures, inferiorities, depression and guilt. It helps those counseled, to experience understanding, relief, healing and restoration. It helps them to experience a change of perceptions, values, attitudes and behavior.

Christian Counseling should be consistent with Biblical Teaching in dealing with problems. Its ultimate goal is for the Counselee to develop spiritual values, have a true spiritual experience with God and have the problem solved.

Methods of Christian Counseling.

There are three things Counselors need to consider when counseling:

1. In Counseling they need to do seven things:

1.Gain the attention of the Counselee.

2.Carefully listen to what the Counselee says.

3.Observe the Counselees behavior and body language.

4.Lead the conversation in the right direction.

5.Lovingly and gently confront the Counselee's problems.

6.Share needed information with the Counselee.

7.Support and encourage the Counselee toward success.

8.

2.  These seven aspects have four things in common:

     1. They give the Counselee hope.

     2. They correct ignorance and educate the Counselee.

     3. They bring about a definite positive change.

     4. Counselees experience self worth and success.

3. There are eight steps in Counseling and they are:

     1. Establishing a friendly relationship between the Counselor and Counselee.

     2. Building rapport by sharing thoughts, feelings and showing empathy.

     3. Exploring the details of problem situations, bad experiences and diagnosing the problem.

4. Planning action and setting goals to solve problems.

5. Taking progressive steps to achieve the goals.

     6. Bringing the Counselee into Gods Presence.

     7. Ensuring the continuation of the Counselees success.

     8. Successfully completing the Christian Counseling.

     The Counseling Session.

There are five important aspects of a Counseling Session:

1. It needs to have a definite date and time, giving the Counselor sufficient time to prepare.

2. The venue needs to be easily accessible for the Counselee, including the disabled.

3. The seating needs to be comfortable.

4. It needs to render complete privacy.

5. The duration of each session should be for a period of time that is acceptable and convenient for all parties concerned.

      The Christian Counselor.

There are eight things Counselors need to consider about themselves:

1. The Counselors Motivation.

Do we counsel because we have a real desire to help people in need, or is it because we have some ulterior motive.

Usually those who have the right motive in counseling, enjoy it, find it fulfilling and are successful.

2. The Counselors role.

To be effective, Counselors must have a clear understanding of their responsibilities, the role they play and always be vigilant.

Counseling is not just a friendly visit.

It is not to find fault with or condemn the Counselee.

It is not an experience that should be done hastily.

It is not a dominating or controlling experience for both parties.

Neither of the parties should become impatient.

3. The Counselors frustrations.

Counselors often open themselves to power struggles and personality clashes with Counselees. They can become vulnerable to exploitation and failure. Counselors should never be misused or manipulated by the Counselees they counsel.

4. The Counselors personal intimate feelings.

Counselors are normal people and should guard against having their personal feelings being affected in the counseling session. During marriage counseling when discussing intimate marriage details, Counselors have to guard against being emotionally and sexually affected. In Pastoral Counseling, it is advisable for the Counselors Spouse or another Christian to be present during Marriage Counseling.

5. The Counselors Ethics.

The Bible is the ultimate standard by which all ethical decisions are tested.

To guide Christian Counselors in behaving ethically in counseling, here is a seven-fold code to consider:

1. Counselors should always seek what's best for the Counselee.

2. Counselors should keep all information of the Counselee and the counseling session confidential.

3. Only with the permission of the Counselee, should any information be shared with anyone.

4. Counselors should refrain from giving advice for which they have not been trained. (Like legal or medical advice.)

They should always seek to honor God in counseling and refer a Counselee to someone else, if they feel they are not being successful. This must be done in co-operation with the Counselee.

6. The Counselors burnout.

Counselors soon discover that counseling is hard work. Dealing with problems and hurts of others, can have a draining effect on them. They may experience feelings of fatigue, futility, frustration or irritability. This can cause the Counselor to be ineffective and feel a loss of purpose. This condition is called burnout.

 To avoid this, Counselors must be strengthened in Prayerand the Word of God daily. They must understand that after doing their best, they need to give the situation over to God. Counselors need to take time off to relax, be refreshed, improving their abilities and skills to Counsel.

7. The Counselors effectiveness.

A Counselor acquires the knowledge and experience, to counsel with people. Mastering the art of counseling does not come overnight. It comes by hard work, dedication and perseverance. What is learned needs to be applied. 

9. The Counselors Sources of reference.

Counselors are not an island unto themselves. We always need the help, advice and support of others. In different areas and categories, we build up different sources of help and reference. The greater our sources of help and reference are, the more effective our counseling will be.

Here are some categories of reference:

Medical.

Legal.


Financial.

Cultural.

Psychological.

Educational.

Above all, Jesus Christ is our "Wonderful Counselor" and the

Holy Spirit is our Teacher and Guide.

     Dealing with specific Problems.

Here are nine kinds of problems that Counselors deal with:

1. Personal problems.

There are at least five of them, namely:

1. Guilt.

There are several reasons why people feel guilt.

People feel guilty about things they have done in the past.

There conscience causes them to feel guilt.

Guilt causes people to experience negative things.

It often causes moral pain and remorse for wrong things done. It is often accompanied by shame, depression, anger and self- condemnation. People feeling guilty often apologize profusely for what they have done, or angrily blame others.

There are effective ways of dealing with guilt.

Counselors need to convince those with feelings of guilt, that God mercifully
forgives what they have done wrong.

To experience this forgiveness, those who are guilty need to be honest and admit that they have done wrong. They need to ask God and those who they have wronged for forgiveness.

Isaiah 55:7

"Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."

Preventing guilt.

The only way to prevent guilt from recurring is to prevent a person continuing to do wrong. If they cease from doing wrong they will experience forgiveness and learn to appreciate new moral values.

2. Anxiety.

There are three causes of anxiety namely:

1. Feeling threatened.

People feel threatened when there life is in danger. They also feel threatened when their ability or character is questioned and their self-image or self-esteem is at stake.

2. Experiencing conflict.

People experience inner conflict, when the decisions they make cause them pain, displeasure or inconvenience.

3. Experiencing fear.

People experience fear, when what they need for life or existence is threatened.

These could be needs of:

Survival,

Security,

Relationships,

Sex,

Finance,

Recognition.

Anxiety causes three reactions in people namely:

1. Physical reactions.

Anxiety can produce headaches, skin rashes, ulcers and a variety of physical problems. Persistent anxiety can cause the body to break under pressure over a period of time.

2. Escape reactions.

Many people try to cope or escape from anxiety by their addiction to food, alcohol and drugs.

3. Spiritual reactions.

Anxiety can motivate people to seek Divine help and drive them toward God.

Helping those with anxiety.

A Counselor should in a calm, caring, reassuring way, introduce them to Jesus Christ. He will love, help them and change their situation.

If circumstances are causing the anxiety, Jesus will change the circumstances.

If behavior or lifestyle is causing the anxiety, it can also be changed.

If time is needed to effect this change, the Counselee will enjoy the help and support of the Counselor and others.

Paul has a word for those with anxiety.

Philippians 4:6

"Be careful for nothing." (Don't worry about anything)

3. Loneliness.

Loneliness is an inner emptiness and a feeling of isolation from people. Lonely people have an intense desire for a relationship with those around them. They need to be wanted, understood and esteemed by people.

Loneliness is caused by the tendency of people in society to withdraw themselves from others. Suspicion and fear of strangers often causes people to avoid contact with others. The inability to communicate with people can cause isolation and loneliness.

Loneliness is often the cause of low self-esteem, depression and addiction.

Lonely people need to do six things:

1. They must admit they have a problem.
2. They must identify the cause of their loneliness.
3. They must be helped to develop self-esteem.
4. They must reach out and communicate with others.
5. They must learn how to listen and talk to other people.
6. They must experience Gods presence and dispel loneliness.

Hebrews 13:5

"For He said, I will never leave you or forsake you."

Matthew 28:30

"Lo I'am always with you, even unto the end of the world."

4. Depression.

Depression can be experienced for  shorter or longer periods of time. It can be moderate or severe. It causes people to feel miserable, inefficient and self-critical.

It tends to affect the immune system of the body causing physical illness.

It often causes suicide.

There are several things that cause depression namely:

1. Physical illness.
2. The side effects of addiction.
3. Sleep problems.
4. Diet problems.
5. Genetic problems.
6. Psychological problems.
7. Unexpressed emotional feelings.
8. Feelings of guilt.

Depressed people need to do eight things, namely:

1. Understand that all people experience discouragement.
2. Understand what is causing their feeling of depression.
3. Avoid circumstances that cause the depression.
4. Reject depressive thoughts.
5. Refuse to talk depressive talk.
6. Find support and be helped by other therapeutic people.
7. Surround oneself with happy and positive people.
8. Take care of their health.

David spoke to himself and said -

Psalm 42:5

"Why art thou cast down O my soul? Hope thou in God."

5. Anger.

People who have anger often try to keep it under control and suppress it for as long as they can. It often surfaces in verbal reactions, cursing, negative physical acts and violence.  People try to hide it behind closed doors. Anger often erupts in an outburst just like an erupting volcano. It is a baffling and most unpredictable emotion.

The only type of anger that may be permissible is controlled Godly anger.

There are six things that cause anger, namely:

1. Feeling frustrated with someone or something.
2. Feeling humiliated.
3. Feeling rejected.
4. Feeling threatened.
5. Experiencing a temper tantrum.
6. Psychological problems.

In dealing with anger, seven things are important, namely:

1. Recognize the source of the unacceptable anger.
2. Humbly admit and confess the anger.
3. Ask for forgiveness for the expression of anger.
4. Learn steps to control the anger.
5. Always follow these steps when getting angry.
6. Avoid angry people and situations.
7. Allow love to overcome all anger.

Ephesians 4:26

"Be angry and sin not."

Galatians 5:22

"The fruit of the Spirit is love."

2. Problems when experiencing different phases of life.

We will deal with five phases of life.

1. Childhood.

Children inevitably experience problems when growing up. These are problems of learning disorders, rebellion, violence, speech problems, mental disorders, hyperactivity, physical and social problems. These have been studied and analyzed by Psychologists and Scientists.

They are the result of seven causes, namely:

1. Neglect or child abuse.
2. Instability in the home.
3. Unsatisfied needs of the child.
4 . Learning disabilities.
5. Mental retardation of the child.
6. Attention deficit disorder of the child.
7. Traumatic experiences such as accidents.

Children are seen to be gifts from God and should be appreciated as such. Parents are responsible for the upbringing and nurturing of their children. Parents need to love and appreciate their children.

Ephesians 6:4

"Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

In dealing with child problems, nine things are important,

1. Clearly understand what the child`s problem is.
2. Seek a solution to the problem.
3. Counsel the child.
4. Carefully communicate to the child what is to be done.
5. Encourage the child to patiently continue.
6. Continually manage the child's progress.
7. Reward the progress of the child.
8. Always be honest with the child.
9. Ensure the spiritual success of the child.namely:

Taking care of children, is of utmost importance to God. We can bring them to God with their problems at any time, and He will receive them.

Matthew 19:14

"Jesus said, suffer little children to come unto me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven."

2. Teenagers.

Teenagers have very different needs than that of children. Their interests lie in society trends, friends, sex, independence and often things that are fast and noisy. They often say and do things that are shocking to their family and others.

The problems they experience often rise out of one of the following, namely:


1. Physical changes that take place in their body.

2. Sexual development in their body.

3. Changes in their relationships with people.

4. The development of their values.

5. Worries about the future.

6. The opinions and influence of friends.

7. An identity crises.

There are nine ways to deal with teenage problems:

1. Clearly identify their problem.

2. Let them understand they have a problem.

3. Seek a solution to the problem.

4. Build rapport with them.

5. Set goals to overcome the problem.

6. Encourage and support them to achieve success.

8. Educate them to prevent potential problems occurring.

9. Build a strong spiritual foundation, to build their life upon.

3. Adulthood.

This period of life extends from the late teens to the late thirties. It is an era where people can richly enjoy education achievement, love, sexuality, family life, parenthood, occupational advancement and creativity. Out of these experiences many problems arise.

There are eight categories that give rise to adult problems, namely:

1. A lack of values governing a persons thinking and reasoning.

2. A lack of skills and competency in a person's performance.3.A lack of confidence in a person's life.

4. A lack of goals and direction in a person's life.

5. A lack of warmth and intimacy in relationships with people.6.A feeling of being trapped in a relationship or job.7.A lack of knowledge and the ability to successfully parent.8.Pursuing uncreative and unsatisfying activities.


There are seven ways to deal with adult problems, namely:

1.Clearly identify the problem.

2.Let them understand they have a problem.

3.Find a solution to their problem.

4.Carefully plan the steps that need to be taken to help them.

5.Carefully monitor their success.

6.Encourage them as they progress.

7. Help them to grow in self-esteem and spiritually.

4. Middle Age.

Middle Age covers the period in age, from the late thirties to the late fifties. It is a time that could mean different things to different people. For some it can be the prime of life, for others a crisis and for others a launching into the best half of life.

It is a period that is often characterized by self-evaluation of situations, beliefs, values and achievements.

5. Vintage Years.

The vintage years commence and continue from the age of sixty.

There are ten kinds of problems that older people encounter:

There are ten ways to deal with problems of the aged: